the only notes on my iPhone that aren't old grocery lists

 

1. I recently learned that a man who
practices Orthodox Judaism is not
supposed to be alone in a room with
any woman except his wife so
despite my own personal lack of
religious conviction I have become a    
sort of Jewish missionary but all I
really do is hand out pamphlets to
men that follow me into the stores I
enter specifically to escape them
when they try to talk to me in public.

                        …

2. There’s this new fad where girls
are dyeing their hair pastel colors
and calling themselves mermaids
on social media but it doesn’t
bother me too much because my
hair has been eleven different
colors and I haven’t ever been
anything besides a real-life
river nymph and I have never
called myself that on the internet
(but maybe I should).

                        …

3. A homeless man in a train station
saw me reading Shakespeare and
said if music be the food of love, 
play on and then told me he was
hungry so I gave him a Dunkin Donuts
gift card I had gotten for Christmas
and he took it and then said actually
I meant to ask for bus fare
and I
felt a thing that is called
Disappointment, Or What You Will.

         …

4. It's a little shocking to me that
white frat dudes even try to write super
emotional poetry anymore because
sure they're full of angst and denial
and all but the only life-shattering pain
that a rich white guy can have inflicted
upon him is whiny unrequited love
and you're beating a horse
and that horse's name is Petrarch
and Petrarch has been dead a long time, pal. 

                        …

5. I read a study that said women
are more likely to eat spicy food
for the sake of enjoyment while men
are more likely to eat spicy food
to impress someone else but I
promise that ordering buffalo wings
will never be the deciding
factor as to whether or
not you get laid, Trevor.

                        …


Jessica Wharton is a graduate student at St. John’s University currently working towards an MA in English. She received her BA from Quinnipiac University’s Honors Program, where she was awarded the Donald Hall Poetry Prize in 2015.